Ether
by historymortician
Summary: The afterlife had quite an undeserved reputation for a place sadness and hopelessness. However, in Gary Barkovitchs' opinion, it was a place of new beginnings and never imagined experiences.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Long Walk' or any of its' characters. Anything published using its' characters/name are to be viewed as entertainment only, not profit.

Everything was climbing, racing to a peak. The noise of the Crowd, the pounding of the ever dwindling feet of his fellow Walkers, the drone of the half-tracks treads, the voices ricocheting, rocketing through every corner and crevice in his mind. The voices of all those who had ever mocked him, jeered him, _hated him. _Everything was spinning crazily out of his control, an crescendo of madness. His plan had failed, _he had failed._ As everything around him swayed and churned in a frenzied craze he felt himself also losing control. He burst into tears, sobbing, not truly even knowing what he lamenting. Jeers from the others once again, it was all too much. _Too much. _They wanted him dead, he knew it, a certainty, a truth engraved in stone. A wobbly smile made its' way to his lips as tears continued to stream from his eyes. They wanted him dead? Well, he had never been much of a pleasure in life, so why not please others with one final act? The part of his mind not currently being torn to shreds tried to convince him he was speaking insanity. He shoved the thoughts forcibly away from himself. His smile cracked and from his open mouth spilled a terrible mockery of laughter. There was no joy in that sound, none at all. The laughter was climbing, racing to a peak. And as its' pitch raised, so did his hands ready to perform this final act.

_And if this doesn't bring them any pleasure, what then, is this all for nothing? Have you thought of that?_

That voice was really, really, getting on his damn nerves. But once again he ignored it. After all, if it brought no feeling of happiness to anyone, well, it would just be like the rest of his life had already been, would it not? And with that thought his hands dove at his throat, fingers reaching, grasping, tightening, pulling, ripping. Warmth cascaded from the tear in throat and spilled down his front. He could not determine if the screams that seemed to be enveloping him were his own or of those around him. He found he truly didn't care. He couldn't bring himself to care about much at the moment. He felt weak, fain even. The world swirled and figures blurred to shadows. He blinked once and saw the face of that Garraty kid gazing at him with a look of horror upon his face. He smiled and tasted blood on his lips, then blinked again and fell. He didn't feel it when his body smacked against the road nor when the two bullets were pumped into his already dead body.


	2. Chapter 2

Dark. It was very dark. Barkovitch attempted to raise a hand in front of his eyes and found he could not. He could feel his hand, its' connection to his arm and shoulder, but he was unable to move. _Paralyzed?_ The word sent a chill through him. The thought of being alive yet confined to a stationary state, unable to do_ anything_ frightened him very much. He was an active creature, twitchy, a trait that often got him in trouble at school. He wasn't even able to move his eyes back and forth, not that it would have done much given his pitch black surroundings. He felt a hot burst of anger warm him. He didn't know where he was nor could he remember how he had gotten there. He attempted once more to move. Nothing. He suddenly became aware of a new, and not all unwelcome, sensation. He felt as though he were falling.

_Was I falling the whole time? _He wondered.

It didn't feel without purpose, more like the carefully measured, gradual descent of a rollercoaster. But that didn't necessarily mean it would stop. A small spark of panic.

_Stop. _He ordered himself. _You can't panic. Just calm down. Plan. What will you do now? Make a plan. There. _

He was calm. Thinking, organizing, making observations. All things he would occupy his time with. His mother had often complained to him, asking why he wasn't more active, more social, more _alive_. He would respond with eye rolls and the same answer every time the conversation turned to the subject.

"Because it pleases me. I _like _to be alone."

At least that's what he told his mother and tried to convince himself. In truth, he craved the presence of other people. The way they interacted, moved, and responded in and to the world around them. While others his age would socialize and entertain each other, he would simply sit and study them, wishing he knew how he could join them. It had been like that most of his life. From his first day of school he'd known he was different. He didn't connect with people normally. Or at least most people's perception of normal. Except-

_Jenna._

Yes, there was Jenna. His guilty pleasure. She was everything he could ever ask for and more, asides from the fact that he had never spoken with her before. She was tall, with a nice figure. Dark auburn hair pulled back tight every day, warm brown eyes that would glance at him. Her soft lips pulling into a smile just for him. And he would smile back. Secret looks and smiles. A brushed hand against his as they passed in the hallway. She was teasing him, he was sure of it. It was like a game to her, just fun and games. And he was to frightened to join because whatever God there may be forbid her boyfriend catch them in the 'act.'

_Nick._

Barkovitch didn't know much more about Nick than the fact that he was indeed Jenna's boyfriend. And that he was terrified of him. Terrified until Nick decided to participate in the Walk. Jenna was thrilled. Her daring, brave knight in shining armor would surely return victorious to sweep her off her feet to a new life of riches and fame. He lasted two days. Jenna became reserved, nobody knew what to say to comfort her. School was a waking nightmare. Everything so still, everyone like stone. The worst was that their game appeared to have ended. She would no longer smile or even look at him. Yet he craved her attention. So, the next year he had applied for the Walk. Not wanting to be mocked when he was declined, he kept it to himself. That is until his letter of acceptance arrived in the mail. He was overjoyed, and immediately sought out the know 'gossip junkies' of his grade. The news spread like wildfire and the game resumed. Her looks were different now, she seemed to be examining him as if he were some sort of specimen. Her smiles seemed calculating. It went on like that until the night before he was to leave for Maine, she arrived on the front porch of his house, and when he opened the door she gently placed her lips over his. He was frozen, an almost unknown feeling to him. He closed his eyes and felt the soft feel of her lips leave. When he opened his eyes again she was gone.

And now so was he.

_Stupid._

He remembered what had led to this. The Walk. His suicide. Everything.

_Stupid. You through your life away for some girl you never even spoke to. You're an even bigger dumb ass than Scramm. At least he wasn't walking blindly, with no purpose asides from hope. Stupid._

He could move again, but he was still slowly falling. He raised his body from the laying down position he had been descending in. He looked around. It was lighter now, gray, almost like the sun reflecting off clouds on a rainy day. Then he noticed there were clouds, he was falling through the sky.

_Will I fall through the earth? _He wondered inanely.

He found his answer soon enough, when he broke through the cloud cover and was able to see ground below him. He fell until his worn sneakers touched a hard, gravelly surface.

A road.

A/N: I would like to apologize for the wait between updates. I foolishly started this story before I had completed a different one. So, I needed to make sure I didn't forget about that one. I hope Barkovitch doesn't to out of character, I'm trying to get a feel for him. I think he's turning out okay. Thank you to the two people who reviewed my first chapter, your kind words mean so much. I hope this chapter was just as enjoyable. Please, read and review.


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